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A Soviet Judge comes out of his chambers laughing his ass off, and a colleague stops to him to ask what's so funny.
"Oh, I just heard the funniest joke," the first judge says.
"Ok what is it?"
"I can't tell you; I just sent a guy to Siberia for 20 years for telling it!"
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells : “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?” Man responds: “Of course i was thinking about Hitler!”; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: “Who were YOU thinking about?”.
Stalin puts on a disguise and blends into the crowd of Moscow in order to find out if the Soviet people love him or not. He goes to the cinema and takes a seat. Before the movie is played, his own portrait is shown on the screen. People all around him are jumping up from their seats, clapping, whistling everywhere. Stalin proudly sits back with his arms crossed, proud of his work, when someone behind him whispers into his ear:
"Hey, you with the bushy mustache, I advise you to start clapping and cheering unless you want to sleep in jail tonight."
Stalin loses his favourite pipe. He demands that the culprit has to be caught, which leads to KGB officers arresting and interrogating everyone who has been near his office in the past few days. The next morning, Stalin finds the pipe in the inner pocket of his coat. He calls for the Head of KGB.
"I found my pipe, tell your men to let everyone you arrested regarding the investigation go."
"There are a few problems with that, Comrade Stalin. Half of the people we arrested died during interrogation."
"Well, then at least let that other half go!"
"That's impossible too, Comrade Stalin, since the other half confessed to the whole thing."
An American and a Russian are talking.
The American: You see, the good thing about America is, if I want, I can go to the White House, in president's office, and tell him that I hate him and his politics.
The Russian: but I can do that too!
The American: really?
The Russian: yeah! If I want, I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the president's office, and tell him I hate the US president and his politics.
A member of the Communist Party talks with a kid in Moscow in the late 1940s.
"Hey, kid, who is your father?"
"My father is our great and glorious leader, Comrade Stalin!"
"Excellent. And who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Motherland, the Soviet Union."
"Very good. And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Well, for the most part, orphaned."
A family is sleeping in their apartment in the suburbs of Moscow. Suddenly, in the middle of the night, they wake up to loud bangs on their front door. The family is so scared, they barely dare breath.
The father go answer the door, shaking of fear. The rest of the family await in their beds, frightened, as they listen to the muffled sounds of male voices coming from the door, until finally the footsteps of their father is heard coming back up the stairs.
"Good news! Its was just that the building's on fire!"
